Has Newsweek Gone Pulp?

Are we seeing the return of the Real Nazi Sex UFO Man-Eater Cults?

You be the judge. At least on the cover, the latest issue of Newsweek is hitting on two tried and true pulp draws: aliens and abortionists. There's even an interior blurb mention of Hitler. How much longer will it be before Newsweek goes the way of Man to Man or even Sir?

That's probably overstating things a bit. To be honest, Man to Man and Sir started out as porn and then drifted into the sensationalist Real Nazi Sex UFO Man-Eater Cults phase. For them it was actually something of an improvement. But it isn't unheard of for "real" magazines such as SEE to take the plunge and never come back. Just dipping your toes in the water, as Newsweek has now done in two successive issues, is a very bad sign.




If Newsweek were a Real Nazi Sex UFO Man-Eater Cults pulp, it would be a one time only first date. Talk about a tease! Inside Newsweek is becoming an unfunny version of Mental Floss. Our promised feature on Aliens, turned out to be part of a list of Reading Grazing Features called What You Need to Know Now. Here's the single gem from the whole thing, found under the heading Wiping Is Washed Up:

"Americans have always known that wiping their rears with dry paper is ineffective: a classic survey showed that half of TP users spend their days with "fecal contamination"--anything from "wasp-colored" stains to "frank massive feces"--in their underpants."

Thanks. You know, there are such things as national secrets. Blabbermouths.

In all seriousness, I am not entirely sure that it is the place of a national newsweekly to report on such things. Even the worst pulps didn't engage in tracking trends in scat. I didn't need to know that. Not now, not ever. Worse, the little factoid was mentioned as a part of Newsweek's wonderful Enviro-Agit-Prop agenda against Toilet Paper. It's one of several Enviro-Agit-Prop factoids mentioned in this otherwise theme-less section. "And yet we continue to mock the bidet," it goes on before listing all of the resources used in the manufacture and 'deployment' of toilet paper.

As for aliens existing, it was all tease for a not very enlightening bit of spittle on the Kempler Project.

Newsweek isn't the only home for media lameness, however. Our current crop of low hanging tabloids (all now owned by the ill fated American Media) has decided to tout the slander that Obama is gay. Mind you, they can come up with anything they want. And this is it. Obama is gay. You know, you're just giving Newsweek an opening here.

This just in: Ben & Jerry's has disappointed me again. This time the culprit is Mint Chocolate Cookie Ice Cream. Perhaps the problem might have been a bit on my end. I think I expected Mint Chocolate Chip Ice Cream, which would be a mint ice cream with chips as found in cookies in it. That said, the execution is horrible, no matter what they were trying for.

First, the mint in question is intrinsic to the otherwise brownie-like cookie part; a thing generally not found in confections that are widely sought after. As for the ice cream, it's this gritty near vanilla crap B&J puts in their cookie dough and Colbert Swirl brands. Pretty underachieving stuff in and of itself. What really makes this product something you don't want near your mouth is that the mint is of the exact taste consistency found in Robitussin. Think Robitussin Brownie in Frozen Near Vanilla Grit Ice Cream and you get the picture. YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED.

The latest Mister Fun Feature, How to Achieve Instantaneous Great Big Huge Opulence, will hit the pages of Hil-Gle within a week or so.