A young friend of mine once gave me a wonderful piece of advice: take all written communication in the best possible light. His advice was specifically about email, but I have applied it to anything sent to me. Try it. You will have a much happier life.
When doing my research on the latest Ajax Telegraph I reviewed a number of missives from Sweepstakes firms which stretched credibility. I didn’t include most of these in my work for a number of reasons. As I explain in the article, all of the Sweepstakes offers feature language which literally means nothing. Some of it is well couched, almost lawyerly. Even the more straight forward bombastic and blatant claims are pretty much horse wind. In short, simply just lying wasn’t good enough to make the grade. You not only had to lie, you also had to be deceptive in what you were offering. Moreover, it was my intent to focus only on those offers where there was a clear attempt to deceive—to offer something that you clearly were not offering. Finally, the works listed needed a criminal panache: an attempt to charge more than what you stated, disguising yourself as a government agency or other official.
I obviously would not like to cast dispersions on anyone’s legitimate enterprise. Not that I asked for any of this junk mail, mind you, but I have nothing against someone trying to make a living. Although I suspect that the only charity being supported by many of the fine entities sponsoring sweepstakes (some of them from the same PO BOX) is the type that benefits the operator only, my reaction is to simply not donate to them. I feel no need to expose them. Ditto the commercial entities in the mail order business who are also tangentially funding Million Dollars Every Week give-aways. Yes, it’s deceptive and bombastic, but it’s pretty freaking run of the mill harmless. I am a little miffed that these entities also sold my name to some folks who are clearly not as righteous as they are. I’m not sure I would be so cavalier with my customer contact list.
No sooner had I put the finishing touches on Ajax’s latest screed when yet another missive showed up from United Reporting Alliance, URA, again advising me that this was my last chance to buy what they are selling. It’s really hard not to endow URA’s communications with a sinister motive. The fact that I was twice contacted by con men citing the exact same figure as they were touting made me doubly suspicious. (See blog entries “You are Full of Crap” and “They Called Back”.) Even on the face of it, URA is selling sand to the Arabs. In quite crypto lawyerly, they advise that they are not running a contest and yet they are sure you have won one. It doesn’t say they are psychics, either. Then they tell you that they are going to sell you a report for $2.75 when the actual cost is $32.75 or more, depending on how they (at whim) decide to bill you.
United Reporting Alliance didn’t have a website, of course. They were listed on a few scam reports, but with little follow up. Like many nefarious operators, URA’s service is targeted at folks for whom the whole computer thing is a mystery. Even if one casually wanted to find something on URA, there isn’t much of substance other than Ajax’s offering.
I did a little more than just casual digging. It came to my attention that the firm was at one time located in Corona, California. I happen to be something of an expert on this little Inland Empire town. With a little prompting, I could probably tap the operator on the shoulder. Unless I miss my guess, the persons running this service are misusing a skill set gained in another trade. (I don’t personally know them.) If all my dots connect, it’s a sick and sad picture. I’ll leave it at this: avoid contact with there folks and trash their offerings.
The real question we have to ask is “How do these people get away with it?” Our mail order sweepstakes misanthropists are actually the lowest end of this trade. As I mentioned, much of what were mail and email scams have migrated to cable TV and radio of late. Enzyte, a hulk up your groin pill, is one example of this trend.
Unless you have been living on Pluto, you probably are aware that we are in the middle of a recession. Our now multiplied venues of mass communication have been especially hard hit. Even the more mainstream forms are now accepting ‘response advertising’. In this set up, the station or magazine or website gets paid for running a promotion based on the number of responses the advertiser receives immediately following the exposure of the ad. If you buy now, the station gets paid. Under normal circumstances a magazine or station would ask for cash up front. Under current conditions, response advertising is all that is going. It’s one of the reasons we are seeing so many ShamWow advertisements. This has also left the door open for dubious promotions such as offers to ‘turn your debt into wealth’ and Enzyte.
The comical Enzyte commercial features a man with a HUGE smile on his face and his equally grimacing spouse. In the latest series, the makers have taken to touting the longevity… of their ability to advertise. We couldn’t say this on television if it wasn’t true.
But it isn’t true. Enzyte does nothing. Like all nutritional supplements there is absolutely no scientific basis to back up their claims. And tons of money has been spent trying to prove the merit of vitamins and nutritional supplements and whatever the patent medicine industry is calling its products, all to no avail. Vitamins make you piss funny colors. Other than that, they have no efficacy.
The patent medicine scam is a topic for another day, but when it comes to the scientific backing of Enzyte and its cousins, all claims are pure fiction. Not that you would know this, even from looking it up on the internet. Yesterday’s highest hit on Google led to a site which pooh-poohed Enzyte, but operated under the premise that other similar concoctions may have a greater benefit.
What you probably wouldn’t find out on a cursory search is that Enzyte’s creator is serving time in jail. (His mom is, too.) But he’s not in the slam for making phony product claims. That, actually, will not get you criminally prosecuted. (It seems.) Fending off the authorities is just a cost of doing business to the Enzyte people, and not a big one. They and the infamous late night cable Turd Guy cannot even be prevented from continuing to advertise.
Instead, Enzyte Man is in the clink for abusing credit card numbers. He’s been nabbed for mystery dunning, sending out charges for products never delivered and continuing to charge for subscriptions long after his clients have cancelled. This really is the pay off to all of these scams. Once you have opted to allow anyone to renew your charges, you leave yourself open to this type of crime. It’s really what URA and the rest are actually trolling for.
I will, of course, take all of this back the moment URA sends me the $125,000.00. In the mean time I am advising you to stay away from any offer which authorizes continuing charges.
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