My Mailbox Full of Doom and Fraud

Here's how bad the recession has hit our mass media: about half of the commercials you hear on radio and television are for products making untested medical claims. You would think that, here in the 21st Century, the whole patent medicine scam would have been legislated out of business or at least died a miserable death from old age. But no. GNC and countless others are still peddling away, fairly much without abate and clearly without fear of any watchdog being on their beat. And that's the mainstream media. It's even worse in the lower forms.

My mailbox overfloweth with balderdash. Truly I will be offered scam in abundance all of my days. Some scams, however, seem to die once they have reached critical over the counter overexposure. We saw this with St Johns Wart and a number of other fad herbal concoctions. What holds true for useless things stuffed into bottles also holds true for useless things stuffed onto book pages, such as no carb diets and predictions as to the end of the world. Right before a fad is about to fade, it goes over the counter--makes itself available at truck stop check out lines--and then it goes on sale, as in at a discount. Below we see proof of the end of the world going Beanie Baby on us:



You would think that 2012 or 2013 or whenever would have to pass before the fad faded, but this is just not the case. The gloom and doomsiders have had it go far too much their way of late. China will destroy us. The environment is beyond repair. Obama is the last American President anyone will ever call the Most Powerful Man on Earth. The new normal is decline. BRICS are the future. The Earth is flat and some seven year old slave living in a tin hut will take away your job. Blah Blah. None of this crap is ever true (*1)and after a while people get sick of listening to it. They start to get sick of it at the extreme edges, first.



It didn't help the End of The Worlders that two prominent salesmen had their wares proven faulty in the past year or so. Anyone familiar with the End of The World as a product knows that it is fairly faulty. It's good for building up the tension and raising funds, but once one or two big time pitchmen get exposed, the product loses all marketing luster. Ask Matthew Miller (1840s The Great Disappointment and the Great Disappointment Part 2) or Herbert W Armstrong (1975 in Bible Prophesy). That the two latest salesmen to go splat are direct disciples of Armstrong just seems to prove the point. In the End of The World racket, you need to get in early and then get out right before the peak. Or you are going to have a lot of books to remainder--and 45% off may not cut it.

Everything said, the End of The World is something of a seasonal product, useable once every twenty years or so and is really dependent on timing. Your more bread and butter flim flam men will stick with more pedestrian appeals, such as quasi government looking statements on their envelopes:



I don't know how well you can read this, but the language is similar to that used on a typical traffic citation. For a person who lives in a land where a robot can write you a moving violation, it's enough to elicit an involuntary "EEEK!" All that kept me from having a minor coronary was a dim remembering of what the words 'Audit Bureau Letter' really mean.



It's my pals from Emerson Publishing, which really isn't a publishing firm. Nor is it an Audit Bureau nor are they actually running a sweepstakes. I exposed them on my website a few years ago and had no idea they were still at it. Well, will wonders never cease! The page detailing their shenanigans has been hit up thousands of times, which one would think would be exposure enough. Since they are still plugging along, so will I.

What Emerson Publishing is doing here is patently illegal. It is referred to in collections law as a "color of law" appeal. They are pretending to be a Government Agency. Now they may tell you that they are not--but actually the standard is the obverse. In order not to violate the "color of law" ideal, you have to do everything in your power NOT to look like a government agency. If a reasonable person were to pick this up and think it is from a government entity, YOU HAVE VIOLATED THE LAW. This is why collection agencies and other legitimate users of the mails bend over backwards not to do this.

There is no reason for Emerson Publishing to identify itself nor any of its operations as being an 'Audit Bureau' except for purposes of defrauding the consumer. It is not a CPA firm. It is not a government agency. It is not a bureau in any sense of the word, inasmuch as no one has hired it to conduct any of its operations.

Moreover, it is not running a sweepstakes. The Sweepstakes Audit Bureau has no idea if you can win 12 million dollars nor if you qualify for any such Sweepstakes offer. (Weirdly, in their dated fine print--which they have obviously not bothered to check--they drop the prize amount to 5 million.) Absolutely no part of the text of this letter is true in any way, shape or form. The figure is made up. They are not offering it. They do not exactly know what qualifications you may have to win any set amount of money.



Finally, they are not certifying anything when you send in their certification Claim Form. You are not filing a claim nor is there any prize. They are not offering any prize. They are not filing a claim for you. So how is it a claim form? It is not. Why do they put the words 'claim form' on this form when there is no claim and no prize? Because the police in Dallas have better things to do than arrest them. That's just a guess.

So what do you get? Emerson tries to fine print its way out of this, but they actually wind up digging themselves a bigger hole. At one point they state (sic the all caps) "ALL CASH AND PRIZES ARE GUARANTEED TO BE PAID TO WINNERS BY THE INDIVIDUAL SPONSOR(S) OF EACH SWEEPSTAKES LISTED." This is supposed to mean: we don't have the money, the sweepstakes owners do. Or so they hope. As opposed to indemnifying themselves, what they have actually done is put themselves on the hook that the money will be paid. I wouldn't hold your breath, though. I highly doubt Emerson Publishing has the capital to back up this unilateral and clearly unintentional Guaranty. They don't even have the money for a lawyer to read their fine print for them.

Allegedly Emerson is going to send you some report of sweepstakes you could enter if you were qualified. As I recall, this was just a pretext. The last go around, soon after receiving this letter, someone called me claiming to be a police officer who had my prize money and needed something in order to get it to me. So on top of everything else, they may add a more overtly criminal touch to their trolling for suckers via the mail. At $5.00 a pop, there has to be some other pay off, because the return on these letters is fairly poor.

Like the fine people at Emerson Publishing, our pals at Strike It Rich VII Sweepstakes have an interesting way of getting my attention, just with the envelope:



That's the ticket--make me look like a dead beat. Or as if I have missed something in my junk mail. Oh wait. There's a prize distribution statement inside:



This really isn't a statement, as in an accounting of monies I have won, but rather an appeal, asking me to call to enter the contest. It's wrong. It's borderline. I have received several variations of this contest letter in the past.

I will spare you the 800 call to National Magazine Exchange, the sponsor of Strike It Rich VII. It's a high pressure sales pitch for periodicals, most of which you would not buy on a dare. At the end of it the very bored saleslady will tell you that you have been entered in their big drawing.

Per its own literature, Strike It Rich VII has been going on since 2010 and is not due to close until 2012. At that time several very half-hearted attempts will be made to find a winner or an alternate, via the magic of sending a registered letter to the last known address. As a final dodge, it states "No substitution of prize except by Sponsor due to unavailability." So if he can find you and hasn't spent it, he'll give you the prize. Again the holding of one's breath is not advised.

Although I am slightly put off by slimy non-offers such as the one made by National Magazine Exchange, I don't feel particularly singled out. That guy is just trying to make a living selling magazines in the most dubious way he can think of. At least he wasn't pretending to wish me a happy birthday, like this guy:



The address is hand written by a machine, just for that impersonal personal touch. Looky, looky, there's a 'Travel Voucher' inside. I wonder what that might be:



How's this for a sentence:"IN CELEBRATION OF YOUR BIRTHDY, you were verified and as a result of this offer your name and Ticketing Number have been issued!" It's the typical con-man's lead of speaking in gibberish. I have been 'verified', a verb without an object. A number has been issued. But wait, there's more...



Wowsers. That's cheap and flimsy enough to be a real boarding pass. They are so lucky I didn't take this to the airport with me, since they could have been implicated in a TSA charge.

The long and short of this offer by 1st Class Travel of 22 W Washington Street Suite 1500 Chicago IL 60602 is that I have won absolutely nothing. I instead have the opportunity to book a round trip air fare to anywhere through them and in return receive a complimentary 7 day car rental from Thrify. (No doubt paid for by 1st Class.) That's whatr we call NO DEAL AT ALL.

But wait, there's less. Thrifty isn't actually approving this deal:



I am hoping that this economic funk doesn't last too much longer. Until it subsides, our mails and media will be dancing to the tune of whoever is left to pay them. In a more upbeat environment, 1st Class Travel's printer tells them he won't take such business. Ditto the entity who sold them my name and birth date.

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(1) I exclude the book Future Shock. That has turned out to be right on the money.