Not Too Late To Vote For Hillary

It’s not too late to vote for Hillary!

Well, come to think of it, it is. If you haven’t voted for Hillary by now, I suggest you stop waiting and do so. Because you never know. You may not get the chance to again. And that would be a shame.

Not that I am taking a stand either way, mind you. I’m sure whichever of them gets in ought to do swell. By whichever, I mean the two probable new President Elects, which unfortunately are coming out of the AFC this year. You know what they say about the AFC: if they win, it means another year of recession. This is both good and bad. Bad, because it means another year of the recession. Good, because it means that the recession will be ending.

As for the people—I guess person at this point, but I haven’t checked—running in that other conference or party or evil cabal or whatever it’s called, quite frankly they could select either Jesus or a Gerbil and they will more or less still lose. I mean, you would have to seriously indict the patriotism or sanity of the other team’s quarterback at this point to have a chance.

The scenarios are so silly as to be mind boggling. Hillary would have to be demonstrably hallucinating on mike to blow it. You know, claiming to have swept in somewhere under sniper fire or some such thing. She would have to come off as a racist somehow—and I mean deliberately. And there’s no way the elites would ever leave her. I mean, she is one of them: the original having it all superwoman. Sure the luddites and mouth breathers in places like Ohio might not exactly identify with her, but where are those people going to go? Reagan Democrats. That always makes me laugh. Clueless boobs is more like it. Total followers. They will get on that big Hillary gravy train without our girl having to give them a crumb. Just watch.

As for that Obama guy, I swear he’s secretly Irish. I know he wrote a book claiming that he discovered that he was black, but I am telling you he may be mistaken. At any rate, he is one lucky dude. What are the chances that the Republican you faced in your senate race was both married to AND unfaithful to Seven of Nine from Star Trek? Or that he was trying to wife swap her? Not that I am a big Trekkie or anything, but I am a fair to middling judge of the female hind quarters and am fairly sure that no one in their right mind would want to share that action. Certainly not a Republican. That’s the type of luck you should bottle.

And he seems ok. I think I may have met him when I was working with ACORN. That was a really neat group. They professionally protest—which seems like a good gig. And he has the Harvard thing and the lawyer thing and the picture perfect wife and kids thing going for him. Now as long as he doesn’t pretend to have any actual accomplishments, he should waltz into the VP slot. That’s got to be what he is shooting for. Or maybe he isn’t really interested in politics and just wants a career serving on corporate boards. Imagine what sort of good he could do on the boards of GM or Ford or Chevron. And that wouldn’t preclude an actual run for President, once he has SOMETHING on his resume. Right now his resume reads ‘Lucked out beating self destructive Republican Wife Swapper of Seven of Nine after having had ass handed to me by Bobby Rush in Congressional run.’ Collin Powel, he ain’t. I mean, he was in the Senate one month and badly lost a verbal sparring match with some old senator. I think the guy’s name was McVain or something like that. I’m sure he’ll smarten up and take the veep. In any case, he shows a lot of potential and his future looks bright.

The only thing he could do to queer that is to have the Republicans ‘question’ his patriotism. That’s such an old saw, I don’t think they will try it. Besides this Obama ( or is it O’Bama) is about as establishment as it gets. He’s corped up as they say. Nice smile. Nice suit. Nothing to startle Wall Street. Blather on about blue ribbon commissions and whatnot. He may have some problem with the black vote, but then again, where are they going to go? He can just claim to like Richard Pryor or something. He doesn’t really have to have any weird friends or anything like that. Most of these I Have Wanted To Be President Since I Could Walk types usually don’t have any real friends, anyway. Like it or not, we have been electing Richard Nixon over and over again without knowing it.

Given that we are now approaching what seems to be a one party state for the foreseeable future, I say we all pull our weight and get on board ASAP. I mean, I will miss the Republican party, sort of. (Not really. Wife Swap Seven of Nine? For shame! What’s next? Invade a country for fictional reasons?) It’s better to support the inevitable. And you should do so without any fear whatsoever. Hillary will make you free. And I have it on very good authority that she is really a man—a white man, at that.

Mark Lax

Pundit of The Moment.