Bowcoop Supports Armed Drone Ownership!
{UPN Wires. July 28, 2013. Texarkana, TX} The National
Second Amendment (and Fourth Amendment) Tea Party finally delivered its
response to President Obama’s State of the Union speech last Monday. Announcement
of the speech’s scheduling had been made twice before, only to be cancelled on
short notice. Prior to the announcement of the speech’s scheduling, many media
outlets concluded that the right wing Republican organization had disbanded.
Problems finding an appropriate venue, and the simultaneous incarceration of
the organization’s entire paid staff, were blamed for the delay.
Brooke Sundial Bowcoop, the organization’s spokesperson, had
attempted to give the speech on two previous occasions. The first occurred on
March 3rd at the Texas Regional Poetry Slam in Laredo. On that
occasion Ms. Bowcoop was heckled, and. two sentences into her delivery, decided
to perform her interpretation of Wintertime in Vermont as a haiku instead—which
was well received. (Bowcoop went on to take second place in the performance
category.) Bowcoop was present but failed to deliver her speech at the next
venue, an entertainment facility called Pole Kats in Liberty City,
Arkansas. Tea Party staff members took
blame for that misstep, stating that there was some confusion as to what a
Gentleman’s Club actually was. On the scene accounts indicate that Ms. Bowcoop
bolted at the sight of the stage and fled screaming into the parking lot. There
her and two Tea Party staff members (later identified as Bowcoop’s ex-husbands)
were involved in a brief physical altercation which escalated after Pole Kat security
staff attempted to intervene. Bowcoop and her entourage were arrested and
charged. None of the three were able to make bail. They have each been
released, at separate times and from different locations. Charges against
Bowcoop have been dropped.
Despite the Tea Party’s declining fortunes, the career of
its spokesperson Brooke Sundial Bowcoop is on a recent upswing. Bowcoop has
been appearing at poetry slams, convention product demonstrations and in-store
promotions throughout the southeast. Much of the recent delay in the final
scheduling of the speech has been attributed by Tea Party sources to Bowcoop’s “under
paid, stupid flouncing about.” When
reached for comment on her own organization’s official in print characterization
of her career orbit, Bowcoop declined direct comment, instead saying “People
who owe people money shouldn’t comment on what the people they owe money to are
doing to make ends meet.”
Speculation continues as to what Bowcoop’s relationship with
the National Second Amendment (and Fourth Amendment) Tea Party is. She is still
cited on their website as the President and Founder of the group and this
statement is printed prominently on the booth she frequently appears in at
various gun shows. Recent stationary for the group, however, fails to define
her position at all, at least on the masthead. Per the press release for this
latest attempt at a State of the Union response, Bowcoop is cited as “an unpaid
patriotic volunteer, delivering the Tea Party’s powerful consensus opinion on
how badly Obama’s America sucks.”
Per Casper Stonebear, Ms. Bowcoop’s 23 year old son—a relentlessly
polite, but large and intimidating person “The Second Amendment Tea Party, all
of its materials, the name, anything involved with it, belongs to my mom. All
of it. It’s her property. Anyone who says otherwise can come and talk to me.”
Bowcoop is also the sole owner of Bowcoop Performance, her speaker’s bureau,
Sidewinder Personal Drones, a robotics distributorship and a manufactured home
somewhere on the Arkansas side of unincorporated Texarkana.
Last Monday’s final attempt at delivering the response took
place in the lobby of Sundown Ranch in Panorama City, Oklahoma at 8:15 in the
evening. Described by locals as something of a knock off of Golden Coral, the
dinner buffet venue was lined out the door at the time Bowcoop arrived. After
handing out coupons for the restaurant’s Sunday Catfish Blow Out and generally
chatting up the crowd, Bowcoop made her way to a position in the lobby. Dressed
in her usual form fitting white leotard and rhinestone tiara, Bowcoop was able
to complete her ten minute address largely without interruption. The banner
behind Bowcoop, printed with the words “Obama’s America” seemed to bare little
relationship to the speech she
delivered. Nor was there any spoken mention that this speech was in response to
the State of the Union address. Instead, Bowcoop delivered a rather
enthusiastic infomercial style pitch for personal armed drone ownership. Working
without props, she pantomimed a scenario demonstrating how a home owner could
stop a potential invader with a roof deployed radio controlled armed helicopter.
“Microprocessor target lock takes the yips out of the equation entirely! It’s
better than a shotgun!” she at one point said with a bowing flourish. The
somewhat tacked on end of the speech contained her trademark absolutist
rendering of the right to bear arms.
Persons familiar with Bowcoop’s other work said that the
speech was largely cribbed from a product demonstration she did a demo for,
sans mentioning the actual brand of armed personal drone being promoted.
Bowcoop is listed as one of the drone company’s distributors. Pending certain
legal developments, the product is question is only being “promoted hypothetically”
at gun shows and sporting goods conventions throughout the country.
The speech was delivered live via internet feed to an
undisclosed number of people and was broadcast later on Current TV and Al
Jezera TV, both of which occasionally feature Bowcoop as a Christian Gun
Advocacy commentator. Broadcast times were unavailable. Programs such as this
are often repeated.
Ms. Bowcoop did briefly answer questions for the police
officer and reporter present. When questioned as to her current preference between
Rand Paul or Chris Christie, both possible candidates for the Republican Presidential nomination, Ms. Bowcoop
enthusiastically responded “Me. I like me. I support me.”
On follow up, Ms. Bowcoop was asked if the recent public withdrawal
of Michele Bachmann might enable her to grab shelf space within that phylum of
the Republican political strata. She answered “Phylum? I have a boyfriend!”
As for Bowcoop’s conversation with the police officer present,
nothing has been disclosed. Bowcoop left peaceably with the officer and did not
seem to be in restraint.
Editor's Note: Count me as one of the people who tuned in to Brooke's fine address. That it was somewhat info-mercial like escaped me. As a multi-unit dweller, I didn't find the whole drone ownership thing all that actionable. Maybe if they have a car version I might be interested. In any case, I support Brooke in her support of this expansion of our rights!
