Support Brooke! (Help Find Her)

Not Over Yet!

Candidate of the "Gun Nut" Fringe Mulls 3rd Party Run

(If she can be found.)

(CIPS Wires April 1st, 2012) Ultra Conservat

ive Republican Candidate Brooke Sundial Bowcoop has participated in no television debates, was only on the ballot in six states, has not won a single delegate, has no donations flowing into her campaign fund and has no scheduled future appearances. Under normal circumstances this might indicate that Ms. Bowcoop's efforts to obtain her party's nomination have concluded, yet her advisers insist that this is not the case. Sources close to Bowcoop, Combat Pistolsports magazine's reigning Ms. Silver-Plated 357 Magnum, report that she will soon announce a run on the 2nd Amendment Tea Party's own ticket. Bumper stickers and other paraphernalia touting this have already been made up and a hall has been tentatively rented for the send off of what promises to be a somewhat fringe message effort. But these preparations seem to have hit a snag: No one has actually seen Brooke Sundial Bowcoop since March 6th, the date she came in 5th in the Georgia primary, her best showing so far.

Per her chief handler (and ex-husband) Allen David Rand, the campaign formally lost track of Ms. Bowcoop after a hygene break in Texarkana at about 11:30 that night. "We did take a head count on the bus before pulling out. It was then we noticed there were ten on board instead of eleven. By midnight we were pretty sure it was Brooke that was missing."

This last mishap is one of a string which have plauged the Bowcoop campaign since its inception. Early on, the campaign encountered problems coordinating the dissemination of nominating petitions with a correct spelling of Ms. Bowcoop's name. This was further legally complicated by the fact that Ms. Bowcoop has changed her name several times--not all of them legally--and carries personal identification with various permutations of her name. At times even she seemed to be unclear as to what her name actually was. Issues regarding the candidate's name, as well as several lately revealed felony convictions, prevented Bowcoop from appearing on the ballot in most states.

Booke Sundial Bowcoop (born Mary Sundial Beucoup) got her start as a public figure being a paid vendor's aid at various gun shows throughout the south and west. Beyond being a pretty face, "Sunny" became well known for her seeming affection for firearms, explosives, beer and men with excessive facial hair. Demand for her services grew and eventually making gun show appearances became her full time carreer. Bowcoop is well known for her dramatic readings of the Turner Diaries and starred in a series of one woman DVDs where she dramatized that work as well as a female version of Waiting For Godot.

The height of Bowcoop's fame--if not popularity--came during an interview she gave on El-Aribia television, wherein she performed what seemed to be a lap dance on the interviewer while proclaiming that if elected she would "Put a quick end to you towel headed sand swamis, once and for all!"

Erratic behavior and often rambling statements are a Brooke Sundial Bowcoop campaign trademark. Occasionally promoted as a pro-life candidate, Bowcoop's position turned out to be unconventionally more pro-adoption than anything else. As she explained last December "I have never had a problem with adoption. Every adoption I have ever had has gone off without a hitch. All I did was sign my name and they hauled the little blood sucking leech larva off, never to be see the thing again."

Her anti-immigration stance proved to be similarly warped. During a tavern chat (most of Bowcoop's appearances have been in honky tonks) she amplified her position with "I have nothing against Mexicans! Nothing! I'm part Mexican or Jamaican or something! One of my kids is Mexican-was Mexican, I think. Those aren't the aliens I'm talking about. I'm talking about the ones from Mongo! The ones that cattle probe people and violate sheep! One of those people kidnapped me! That's what I'm trying to warn people about!"

Bowcoop often appears to be on something, however her handlers insist that her off message outburst are caused by an absence of medication. Or by the efforts of Z.O.G. to discredit her movement. Per campaign strategist (and ex-husband) Matt Herbert Regions "Brooke's candidacy is more representational and expressive than it is viable and prepositional. Do you have any cigarettes?"

Others have dismissed Bowoop's effort as a publicity stunt on the part of an aging gun show slut and the ex-husbands to whom she owes money. Primary among her detractors is Jane Sundial, Texarkana resident and the candidate's own mother. Per Ms. Sundial "Brooke has been a shameless exhibitionist since birth and a pathological liar since she started talking."

No police report as to Bowcoop's disappearance has yet to be filed. After being contacted by the press, one of the police departments in Texarkana reported "Brooke Bowcoop is a person the police are well acquainted with. Her whereabouts are not unknown. As long as she stays on the Arkansas side of town, we have no intention of getting into any of her business. But if she crosses an eyelash into Texas, there's gonna be hell to pay. Now get!"